Genesis 1. In the beginning

I have over the course of my life been exposed to the Christian Bible in many guises.

As an adult I find that the text of the Christian Bible becomes more of a nonsense every time I visit it.

As an effort to understand what it may be trying to say, I'm going to blog the KJV with annotations page by page and pose some questions that may have been answered before but that I think will have value to me and possibly to some others who have not thought to question it.

I'll start at the beginning since the Christian Bible quite handily starts there too.

Genesis 1

   1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

                Was God knocking about before the beginning or did he/she/it/they pop into existence at the same time as the creating began? If the former, in what sense is it the beginning?

   2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

                Which deep and which water? was there already water that was not part of the creation? I could probably accept that line one suggests that all was made before line two but this seems to not be chronological as everything after line one seems to be an explanation of how line one occurred

   3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

                Fair enough

  4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

                This is an odd one as I can't see how light can be mixed with darkness, I suppose you can have relative darkness, but in truth that is still light, just not a lot of it.

   5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

                Right you are then.

   6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

                So back to the waters, did God create them? God said let there be a firmament but doesn't seem to have called the waters into existence. is water outside of God's creation?

   7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

                as above, God 'made' the firmament but only divided the waters... no mention of their creation and they seem to have been around since at the least line two.

   8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

                Right, so the firmament is heaven and there is water below heaven and water above heaven?

   9 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

                So God moved the water under the heaven aside and land appeared? there's no mention of there being any land in the waters before. Do the waters above heaven also contain unrevealed land? a land beyond heaven?

   10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called The Seas: and God saw that it was good.

                I'm sure he did, seems like he/she/it/they found land he/she/it/they didn't make under the waters that he/she/it/they didn't make. Quite the discovery.

   11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

                OK

   12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

                as it was told to, I'm guessing God was specific about what kinds of plants and so forth so I'll not question that.

   13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.

                we've had three of these things now, how are they measured?

   14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

                Oh right, on the fourth day we get a way to measure what a day is, a tad late but lets go with it.

   15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

                good good.

   16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

                Right.

   17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

                I'm supposing that all of these lights are the sun the moon and the planets and the stars, that being the case and that they are placed in the firmament, or heaven as it was renamed some lines back, are there still waters hanging about above all of these celestial bodies?

   18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.

                OK

19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

                or the first measured day perhaps?

   20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

                God isn't making life here but simply allowing the waters to do it. As established above God isn't responsible for creating water either. Something else that isn't established here, is there a separation between heaven and sky or are they the same thing? It might be a translation error but it seems that the heaven set up in previous lines is now populated by birds.

   21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

                Oh so God did create them, the water just brought them forth.

   22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

                I imagine they were incapable of reproduction before this point?

   23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

                good to know.

   24 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

                from above with the fishes we can establish that this is a statement of intent.

   25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

                ...and now he makes them.

   26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

                Statement of intent... notable use of 'our' perhaps this is a throwback in translation to the Hebrew 'elohim' which when talking about God makes God plural. Which makes sense really because if God is making all of these statements of intent it follows that he has someone to tell about it. Is this Bible talking about more than one god making the earth? it certainly seems that way.

   27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

                we've reverted to a singular pronoun, but both male and female are in the image of god. The text is confusing but it definitely seems like there are more gods here, maybe one of the others made the waters?

   28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

                which was nice.

   29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

                I'm guessing meat means food here, looks like a translation error. it is interesting that herbs grass and trees were called forth yet animals and man were created, I don't know what the semantic difference is but there is certainly an expressed difference in method.

   30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

                Nice that the animals can eat vegetable meat too.

   31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

                Very well done.

So it seems from Genesis 1 that there are:-

•  A beginning of something, but of what we are not certain. It certainly doesn't read like it's 'The Beginning' as a number of things including the possible multiple gods and some water are already extant.
• Some things that God(s) didn't make, Waters appear to have already existed and land appears to have been hiding beneath the waters waiting only for god to move some water aside. 
• Some things that God(s) Made, People and animals, the firmament and variously sized lights and with them some concept of timing.
•  Some things that God(s) called forth (from somewhere else I'm guessing).

 We also now know that stuff is stacked thusly:-

• At the bottom there are the seas and the land (formerly half of the overall amount of waters that were knocking about at the beginning), they are populated by fishes, whales, animals of other kinds, things that creep and man of both sexes, some fowl might live here too
•  Above that there is heaven, this contains stars, a big light, a smaller light and flying fowl, notably there are no gods in here.
•  Above that there are the other half of waters, I hope The Bible tells us more about these waters, they may be the most interesting bit.

Next, Genesis 2 - Adam wants a human wife

Genesis 2. Adam wants a human wife.

Genesis 2

   1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.

                Cool that's that done then.

   2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.

                ...and some things which he didn't make.

   3 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.

                I'm not certain how this also sanctifies the fourteenth day, the twenty-first day and so forth but lets go with that.

   4 These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens,

                ...but not the waters or the vegetation.

   5 And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.

                I'm guessing we are now going back to add extra detail to Genesis 1 since if this were chronological man is already made so let us go back. The plants grew without rain or men to tend them. Let's see how.

   6 But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.

                So the whole face of the ground was watered by a mist that came forth from the ground? Was the water that formed the mist already in the ground? If so surely the plants could have extracted it from there. By what mechanism did this mist issue forth?

   7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

                This is interesting because not only does this LORD God have a respiratory system but the implication is that the dust that was fashioned into a man was transformed into a living soul and not given one. would that mean that the body and soul are the same thing?

   8 And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.

                Eastward of what? Eastward of the story-teller? where is the story-teller? That aside, there is now a living soul formed of dust in the garden that the LORD God planted.

   9 And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

                Now the garden has trees, and one special tree that has the knowledge of good and evil.

   10 And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.

                Rivers do this so I'm cool with that.

   11 The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;

                OK

                               

   12 And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.

                good good. I'm not certain why this is important, maybe The Bible will tell me later

   13 And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia.

                Is the Bible telling us where Eden is at this point?

   14 And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates.

                I suppose it is.

   15 And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

                Man: Gods gardener.

   16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

                Nice.

   17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

                OK, Don't eat the fruit from this tree. On the very day you do you will surely die. I don't want to skip ahead here and spoil it for you but this may be an empty promise.

   18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

                Nice thought.

   19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

                Eh? I'm fairly certain that Genesis 1 says that man was created last, I mean it was only a page ago, I surely can't have forgotten. The fowl were definitely called forth from the seas a whole day before the rest of the animals. Does The Bible really contradict itself within its first two pages? I guess so.

   20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

               That must have taken ages. There are literally tens of thousands of different types of beetles alone, let alone the rest! After all that, Adam is still unable to find a help meet? Lets be honest, did the LORD really expect Adam to find a wife among the cattle or the fowl of the air or the beasts of the field?.. I'm guessing he really did. What a weirdo!

   21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

                At least he was unconscious.

   22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

                at this point it would be worth mentioning that if Adam had taken a fancy to a sheep or a horse or any of the other animals, God wouldn't have bothered to make woman. This doesn't seem to be very planned. God didn't cause Adam to make the choice he did.

   23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

                Right you are then.

   24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

                His what? He has a father and a mother? or are we talking about subsequent men? if so all that is suggested is that man should take a wife out of himself. Since Adam has no Father or Mother I'm not certain where the idea that subsequent men should leave theirs comes from, in fact at this point in the story is there even a mechanism for fathers or mothers to exist?

   25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

                No reason they should be. 

So Genesis 2 seems to be a microcosmic retelling of day six in Genesis 1 with the exception that after the plants were called forth from the land (and tended to by mist) in this version Man comes next and then the animals but in Genesis 1 it's the other way round.

We have learned that:-

•  In the absence of rain, the earth will produce a mist to keep plants healthy. It must have stopped doing this some time ago, we have deserts now.
•  Eden is east of somewhere.
•  The reason for man's existence is to tend God's garden but not to eat fruit from his special tree as it contains the knowledge of good and evil.
• God thought fit to offer Adam all manner of beast for a wife before it struck him that he might want a creature of his own kind to fulfil 'those' functions.

Next, Genesis 3 - God's bluff is called. He makes a sword

Genesis 3. God's bluff is called, He makes a sword.

Genesis 3.

1 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
    I'll investigate what a serpent is later, but whatever a serpent is, should it be talking?

2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
    Adam must have told her.

3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
    Adam must have added the touching bit when telling Eve but I suppose it's fair precaution. He did fail to tell her that God said that "in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die" not that you will die some time in the future, but in that very day.

4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
    The serpent has a contrary opinion, let's see where this goes

5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
    The serpent is now saying that if they eat the fruit they will be "as gods". Interesting on two counts: 1 is that gods is plural I think at this point it is useless to deny that God has some friends and 2 the serpent is making the claim that the humans can become godlike. Will any of the gods confirm this claim?

6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
    OK, let the feast begin. 24 hours until both members of the human race die without progeny and counting.

7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
    The tree's fruit gave them knowledge of good and evil. Are their bodies evil and need to be covered? I'm wondering what this ashamedness has to do with knowing good and evil.

8 And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.
    The LORD God walks about, truly Adam was created in his image, it seems also it is possible to hide from The LORD God

9 And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
    ...to the extent that he has to ask where Adam is.

10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.
    Alrighty then, I'm guessing God was singing to himself or something.

11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?
    ...More importantly, who told them that they should be ashamed of being naked?

12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
    ...It wasn't me Lord it was her...

 13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
    ...It wasn't me Lord it was the serpent...

 14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:
    So is the punishment that the serpent shall go on his belly? Did god create it with legs and then take them away? It must have had a lot of legs, serpents have really long bodies.

   15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
    I think someone is getting kicked in the head here but I'm not sure who, It reads like perhaps Adam is kicking Eve in the head?

 16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
    Child-birth is a punishment from God? I thought he said that they'd die the day they ate the fruit, when is Eve supposed to bear children if she's to die really soon?

 17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;
    His punishment is to eat food made from crops?

 18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
    This doesn't seem like a great punishment. I thought God promised Adam death The very day he ate the fruit. God lied and the serpent was telling the truth.

19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. 
    Bread is a punishment? I like bread.

 20 And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.
    Good good.

 21 Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.
    What a nice guy. Did the animals complain? I'm guessing they are all able to talk just like the serpent. Perhaps God put them into a deep sleep like he did with Adam before performing surgery.

 22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
    Oh wow! The serpent really was telling the truth. The LORD God (one of the many gods) says to the rest of the gods, Look at this, the man I made is now as one of us. Adam is godlike! I suspect Eve is too since she also ate the fruit.
    So God is a god, the gods he speaks to are gods and Adam and Eve are also gods. This is a good start.

 23 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.
    I guess God doesn't want a god to tend his garden.

 24 So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.
    So many things in this line. What is a cherubim? has God just created them along with the concept of fire and swords?


What we have Learned:-

• God Lied to Adam about the nature of the fruit.
• The serpent is a bit of a hero here, not only does he tell Eve the truth but he leaves it up to her whether she should eat it.
• As retribution for calling his bluff God 'punishes' Eve by allowing her to have children and 'punishes' Adam by giving him some land to work (he was already gardening in Eden so at least he has some experience) and by adding vegetables and bread to his diet.
• Adam and Eve are now like all the other gods (Yay)
• God invents fire and swords and Cherubim to guard Eden from the newly god-like Adam and Eve.

Corrections.

Never afraid to admit to have read something incorrectly. I've read the thing again and it seems that God made two special trees, not only the 'tree of knowledge of good and evil' but also 'The tree of life' mentioned in line 22.

It seems as though the fruit of this second tree is necessary to become a fully fledged god but god threw Adam and Eve out before they got a chance to eat from it. So in my what have we learned bit, it should read:

• Adam and Eve are now like all the other gods (Yay) but they don't get to live for ever because they didn't eat from the tree of life. God doesn't like sharing.

next, Genesis 4 - Population explosion, all in a city that God can't see.

Genesis 4. Population explosion, all in a city that God can't see.

Genesis 4

1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.

    Did she get a man from the LORD or did she get a baby from sexual intercourse? There is no mention of making a body from dust or of the breathing of life into it just that Adam 'knew' his wife and she had a baby. No LORD required.

2 And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.

    She's had another baby, I'm guessing intercourse was involved again. No LORD mentioned this time, I suspect she was less surprised by the second birth. Evidently at the very least fourteen years have passed between the beginning of this line and it's end, Cain and Abel are grown up and productive. One question that arises is... with a total population of four, how many sheep would you need to keep? I'd postulate that if there are only four of you on the whole earth that a hunter gatherer lifestyle would be more efficient than farming 

3 And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.

    Did he bring his wares to Eden or has the LORD taken to making forays out into the cursed land that he has tossed Adam and Eve out to. Why is Cain even taking offerings to the LORD? Didn't the LORD lie to his father Adam about the nature of the trees in Eden? Didn't Adam tell Cain that eating the crops from the land was the punishment given to Adam by the LORD, clearly the LORD doesn't like ground fruit for him to think it a worthy punishment.

4 And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:

    I'm still confused why either of these sons of Adam decided that the Liar of Eden is a worthy recipient for their offerings.

5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

    What did Cain expect, the LORD clearly does not like vegetables, it says so in Genesis 2.

6 And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?

    It seems that the LORD lacks empathy and is poorly equipped to understand that if you don't like someones gift they are likely to get upset.

7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.

    I can't make sense of this line, accepted by whom? Cain did well at farming and was not accepted by the LORD. What does sin have to do with offering crops to someone? Who shall who rule over?

8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.

    What? I didn't see that coming. Perhaps the last line tells us why Cain was compelled to kill his brother. I'm guessing that the approval of the LORD was such a great thing to Cain that his jealousy caused him to kill his brother but that seems quite insane and if that is the case I still can't fathom why they care so much what the LORD thinks.

 9 And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?

    This is the second example of the LORD god being unable to find someone. Why does Cain lie anyway, given the nature of this LORD I'd have assumed that offering Abel's body to the LORD would have been met with favour, or at least have been preferable to vegetables.

 10 And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground.
    The LORD has a feeling that Abel is dead, either that or the blood was actually crying?

 11 And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand;

    I'm guessing earth means something like country in this instance because if it means the earth in general then the next few parts don't make sense.   

 12 When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth.

    God damns him to be an unsuccessful farmer, Well since god issued farming as a punishment to Adam and isn't partial to the product of farming, I don't see what God intends to achieve here.

 13 And Cain said unto the LORD, My punishment is greater than I can bear.

    Really? What is so great about this punishment, could Cain not take up tending sheep now that the land beneath him will be unfarmable?

 14 Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.

    Oh. God has banished him from earth? And here again we see that it is possible to be hidden from God. Oh and who are these people that might find him? His Mum and Dad? maybe these other people are Cherubim, we know that they exist now, or possibly the other gods?

 15 And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.

    Whoever these others are God sees that it is necessary to mark Cain to protect him from them. I'm not certain how vengeance can be exacted sevenfold if the crime is murder.

 16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.

    The land of Nod: Outside of the presence of the LORD. God is not in Nod, does not go to Nod and cannot see Nod. also since Cain was banished from the face of the earth, is Nod not on the face of the Earth?

 17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.

    Where did Cain get a wife? Possible wives at this point are; His Mother, a female god (if such a thing exists), a female cherubim (if such a thing exists) or, and this is a stretch, if God offered an animal to Adam for companionship perhaps Cain took a fancy to an animal. At best it's not clear. Are we to believe that Cain, his wife (who is potentially his mother) and his infant son built an entire city?

 18 And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehujael: and Mehujael begat Methusael: and Methusael begat Lamech.

    Here we step over some uninteresting generations to get to Lamech. At this point I'm going to guess that there are more people around now, in fact I'll imagine an average of 6 children per couple per generation, That's probably a bit too much but it puts the total population of the world (Living in the City of Enoch, in the land of Nod, outside of Gods view) at this point in time at about 730

 19 And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.

    Righto.

20 And Adah bare Jabal: he was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of such as have cattle.

    Right, I think that this means that Jabal decided to leave the City of Enoch and live a nomadic lifestyle and keep some cows, I guess he took a wife since he is also a father.
   
 21 And his brother's name was Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ.

    and Jubal started a tribe containing all of the musicians? I guess there are no musicians that aren't from his tribe.

 22 And Zillah, she also bare Tubalcain, an instructer of every artificer in brass and iron: and the sister of Tubalcain was Naamah.

    Tubalcain, at last a metallurgist... with a sister.

 23 And Lamech said unto his wives, Adah and Zillah, Hear my voice; ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech: for I have slain a man to my wounding, and a young man to my hurt.

    Lamech has killed a man, a young man at that and most likely a close relative.

 24 If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.

    OK, I'm guessing that this last line is from God, Is god the protector of murderers? If someone were to harm Cain after he killed his brother God protected him from being killed with the threat of vengeance on his killer and now he is doing the same for Lamech?

 25 And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth: For God, said she, hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew.

    Six generations have passed which I guess could be as little as 72  to 100 years so I guess it's not impossible. It seems that Eve hasn't figured out the connection between being 'known' by Adam and her having a baby as for some reason she has credited God again.

 26 And to Seth, to him also there was born a son; and he called his name Enos: then began men to call upon the name of the LORD.

    Seth's child Enos is born and after that, for no reason I can fathom men begin to pray to the LORD, a god who walks around, often can't find people and protects murderers.


So what have we learned from Genesis 4?


Well, so so much.

• Adam and Eve have some children, Eve is so surprised by the first birth that she thinks God did it and her third birth is so late in life that senility might explain her conviction that God did it, she does not however implicate god in her second pregnancy.
• Cain kills Abel because God doesn't like vegetables
• God promises to avenge Cain if anyone should kill him, God apparently has a soft spot for murderers
• God banishes Cain from the face of the earth but Cain only goes to Nod, God apparently doesn't notice that Cain has only gone to Nod because he can't see that far
• Cain takes a wife that despite a few outlying possibilities was most likely his mother and has a son.
• Cain's son Enoch builds a city called Enoch... A Whole city? really, that's some fast work.
• A few generations pass culminating in Lamech, who kills a young man. God seems to like him even better than Cain.
• Adam and Eve become geriatric grandparents to Enos, this seems to spark a wave of people praying to god who doesn't appear to have done anything noteworthy since lying to Adam.

Next: Genesis 5: Begattin'!! And Enoch takes a long walk.

Genesis 5. Begattin'!! And Enoch takes a long walk

Genesis 5

1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
    So in the grand tradition of Genesis 1. and Genesis 2. we are going to begin again, this time with less detail.

2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
    So the species is called Adam, not just Adam?

3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:
    Looks like we are starting from Seth. Cain's descendants, in their multitude, may be addressed later but Seth is our man here. No God attribution here in Seth's creation and even a nod to the kind of language used to describe God's Creation of Adam. I suppose that confirms that Adam does have all of the properties of a god beside the infinite longevity.

4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:
    Screw that last statement, that's quite some longevity. I think we should start keeping count of the years that pass.  Adam created from dust in 0AE (After Eden(or the planting there of)). 130AE Seth is Born. Adam lives a further eight-hundred years and has more, probably insignificant children.

5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.
    Adam dies at 930AE.

6 And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:
    Enos is born 235AE.

7 And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters:
    Seth lives a further eight-hundred-and-thirty years and has more, probably insignificant children.

8 And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died.
    Seth dies 1042AE.

9 And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan:
    Cainan is born 325AE.

10 And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters:
    Enos lives a further eight-hundred-and-fifteen years and has more, probably insignificant children.

11 And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died.
    Enos dies 1140AE.

12 And Cainan lived seventy years and begat Mahalaleel:
    Mahalaleel born 395AE, Cainan was only seventy, I suspect Adam at this point would have been despairing about how the younger generations are having children younger and younger.

13 And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters:
    Cainan lived a further eight hundred and forty years and has more, probably insignificant children.

14 And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died.
    Cainan dies... I apologise for how boring this bit is, I'm starting to think this data would lend itself to some sort of tabular format. So, Cainan dies 1235AE

15 And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared:
    ...Perhaps a timeline of some sort... Jared is born 460AE.

16 And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters:
    This is almost exactly where I stopped last time I tried to read this thing but I must press on...

17 And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died.
    Mahalaleel dies 1290AE.

18 And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch:
    Enoch is born 622AE. I wonder if he was named after the city in Nod or his distant relative after whom the city was named.

19 And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
    Jared has some more inconsequential kids.

20 And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died.
    Jared dies 1422AE.

21 And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah:
    Methuselah is born 687AE.

22 And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
    Only ten lines left, but wait! Enoch walked with god for the rest of his life, I'm supposing that this is a walk that takes place on the earth, we've seen God walking about before. I'm guessing he brought his wife along for the trip since he had more children. did God really spend three hundred years walking about with Enoch and his family?

23 And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:
    All that walking probably wore him out, I was expecting at least eight-hundred years.

24 And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.
    Ah. Enoch didn't die then? God took him somewhere, where did God take him? Did god take him to Eden and give him some fruit from the tree of life?

25 And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech.
    Lamech is born 874AE. This is not Lamech the Murderer although that guy is most likely still knocking about.

26 And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters:
    Methuselah continues to live and love.

27 And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died.
    Methuselah dies in 1656AE after an epic nine hundred and sixty-nine year life. He must have eaten his vegetables and specifically offered none to God.

28 And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son:
    Noah is born 1056AE. Notably Adam has only died one-hundred-and-thirty years ago.

29 And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.
    So the land is still bad for farming, one-thousand-and-fifty-six years after the curse! I'm guessing the people over in the land of Nod are having a better time of it as regards farming. Why stay on really bad farming land for one-thousand-and-fifty-six years?

30 And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:
    More sons, more daughters, in fact the population is probably huge by now.

31 And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died.
    Lamech dies 1651AE. It's odd that this Lamech should live seven-hundred-and-seventy-seven years while his namesake Lamech, the bigamist, murderer of young men will be avenged by God seventy-seven fold. This Lamech's father is called Methuselah and his namesake in Nod's father is called Methusael, is there some possibility that someone has got both their story lines and their bloodlines crossed?

32 And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
    Triplets? So Noah has three sons in the year 1556AE.


So what have we learned?

• A lot of people were born and died.
• Your average lifespan is about 800 years.
• God took a 300 year walk with Enoch and his family eventually taking him somewhere of which there is no account.
• The Author only concerns himself with first born sons, which is handy because of what I suspect is coming next, if we had followed some other route we may not have ended this page with 'Noah & Sons' and the narrative would likely take a very odd turn for the worse on the next page.
• No one did anything particularly noteworthy for 1500 years or so other than reproduce and take very long walks.

I may add a timeline graphic to this in the fullness of time.

Next: Genesis 6. I hope it's more interesting.

Genesis 6. There were once giants, God has a tantrum.

Genesis 6

1 And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,
    So. When the population grew and there were lots of girls and women...

2 That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.
    Men looked at the women and thought, these women are quite nice, I should take one (or two) for a wife. This is quite a reasonable response, there would be no Noah if there were no 'wives'.

3 And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.
    I think this line is saying that since man is short lived God will be with man in spirit during his mortal lifetime. I wonder if one-hundred-and-twenty years is a new limitation since the lifespans of the people for the last sixteen-hundred years have been quite a lot longer.

4 There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.
    Really? we haven't met those before. I read this as, 'There were once giants and then, after men and women started to breed the giants were relegated to history and were only seen in stories.' Where did this giants come from. were they pre-existing in the earth, in the waters that god didn't create? are they, like so many other things we have encountered outside of God's scope for creation?

5 And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
    God judged that man was wicked and evil. Probably because he offers protection only to murderers and began the whole thing with a lie about trees.

6 And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.
    Did god regret making Adam/man?

7 And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.
    OK. God has decided to kill everything. What did the animals do to deserve this? Presumably after he does this and the fowl of the air are all killed, heaven will only contain a big light, a smaller light and some stars?

8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.
    OK.

9 These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.
    I'll bet it wasn't as long a walk as Enoch got.

10 And Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
    OK.

11 The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.
    What does God expect? He protects *only* murderers!

12 And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.
    OK. Man is bad for the planet.

13 And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.
    "I will destroy them with the earth"? an earthquake perhaps?

14 Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.
    OK.

15 And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.
    Long and narrow.

16 A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.
    This is some vessel.

17 And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall die.
    God actually intends to kill everything and everyone. There is a population of tens-of-thousands by now and God wants to kill every last one of them, babies, the old, hunters and farmers, mothers and fathers, puppies and kittens, everything! He plans to use water, here he is again manipulating that which he did not create.

18 But with thee will I establish my covenant; and thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives with thee.
    OK, Nice guy that God. I'll save one family out of thousands.

19 And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.
    and a pair of every kind of animal, I'm guessing this makes drowning puppies OK?

20 Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.
    OK

21 And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather it to thee; and it shall be for food for thee, and for them.
    Food is good.

22 Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he.
    
    Noah followed the instruction without question. What gave Noah the impression that God was even capable of making good on this threat? God hasn't demonstrated anything on this scale before and presumably told Noah he was going to do it while walking about with him, I'm not sure I'd have believed God on this one.

Conclusions.

There were giants! before man was created by God! where on or in earth did they come from?
God thinks that genocide is a good cure for debauchery.

I'll comment on the rest after this flood story unfolds.

Next Genesis 7.

Genesis 7. God Murders Everyone (almost)

Genesis 7

1 And the LORD said unto Noah, Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation.
    OK. God likes Noah. We get it.

2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
    Not just two of these but seven, are puppies clean? I like puppies, and unclean animals in twos.

3 Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.
    Right you are.

4 For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.
    Only living things that he has made, This will exclude the other gods, I wonder if this includes cherubim, I'm not certain if he made those or just placed them at the gates to Eden.

5 And Noah did according unto all that the LORD commanded him.
    Again, I ask why Noah thought God was even capable of carrying out his threat?

6 And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth.
    The flood occurs in 1656AE, five years after Lamech, Noah's dad died. Lamech had more children after Noah, I'm guessing that either they all died younger than that which is currently established as average lifespans or that Noah was completely comfortable with God drowning his brothers and sisters.

7 And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him, into the ark, because of the waters of the flood.
    As expected.

8 Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth,
    ...

9 There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female, as God had commanded Noah.
    Not Seven of the clean ones then?

10 And it came to pass after seven days, that the waters of the flood were upon the earth.
    OK.

11 In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.
    Did these windows of heaven let the waters from above the firmament through then? is that where this water comes from?

12 And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.
    OK.

13 In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark;
    I thought they already got on.

14 They, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort.
    Deja-vu? did I read this already?

15 And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life.
    Deja, Deja-vu?

16 And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in.
    Oh, The LORD closed the doors, was he standing outside then?

17 And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth.
    Cool.

18 And the waters prevailed, and were increased greatly upon the earth; and the ark went upon the face of the waters.
    You just said that.

19 And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high hills, that were under the whole heaven, were covered.
    Right you are.

20 Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.
    That's not very much is it? The ark is thirty cubits tall. Perhaps these fifteen are nautical cubits? or was the earth really flat?

21 And all flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man:
    Nice. Everything died. Every man woman and child, every son every daughter, every hamster, every duckling, every kitten, everything was murdered by God! What a great guy.

22 All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died.
    And so is told the story of the almost total extermination of life by the LORD, The Liar of Eden!

23 And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark.
    Yeah, so this whole massacre is made ok because God tipped off Noah and Noah saved just two (or seven) of every kind. How did Noah choose which animals to save?

24 And the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days.
    Just to make sure nothing outside of the ark survived? must be thorough in your terracide(?), (Biocide? I don't even know what to call it, we have no word for the total extermination of a planet's lifeforms)

So what have we learned?

• The LORD's solution to a bit of moral corruption among man (I'm not sure what kind of morals the LORD subscribes to, lies and murder seem to be favoured) is to totally wipe out all life on the planet barring one family and a representative of each animal species.
• God is capable of flooding the earth and has almost no regard for life.
• Noah is fine with his brothers and sisters being drowned by this god, he doesn't even ask if he can have them aboard the Ark.
• That's about it, the whole thing is pretty horrible.

Next Genesis 8. Noah can't figure out windows.