1 And Abraham journeyed from thence toward the south country, and dwelled between Kadesh and Shur, and sojourned in Gerar.
Abraham is back on his travels.
2 And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.
Didn't he learn his lesson in Egypt? Actually, thinking about it he got a lot of money, slaves and livestock out of fooling Pharaoh. Is Abraham just a profiteering liar? Why is he pulling this stunt again (See Genesis 12)?
3 But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man's wife.
And the God of lies supports his lying friend by telling King Abimelech that he'll die for taking Sarah as a wife. It's a good scam God and Abraham have here.
4 But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, Lord, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation?
Abimelech smells a rat...
5 Said he not unto me, She is my sister? and she, even she herself said, He is my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this.
...and calls him on it. Good man, I wouldn't stand for this obvious scam either.
6 And God said unto him in a dream, Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her.
So the LORD is claiming credit for Abimelech not touching Sarah? Will this God never stop lying?
7 Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that are thine.
Great back-pedalling from the LORD-of-lies, the great scammer on high!
8 Therefore Abimelech rose early in the morning, and called all his servants, and told all these things in their ears: and the men were sore afraid.
Why were they afraid? Does Abimelech plan to keep Sarah? I suppose it would be fair, given that Abraham tried to scam him.
9 Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? and what have I offended thee, that thou hast brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? thou hast done deeds unto me that ought not to be done.
Go Abimelech! Stand up to the criminal who has entered your country and tried to fleece you.
10 And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What sawest thou, that thou hast done this thing?
11 And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife's sake.
Oh, that old chestnut. Sarah is in her nineties by this point, is she really so desirable that Abimelech would slay Abraham to claim Sarah? Seems like a poor excuse to me.
12 And yet indeed she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife.
Oh wait, is this true? is Sarah Terah's daughter? Genesis 12 makes no mention of this but I suppose it's possible, still it is no excuse for pretending that she is not his wife and didn't we have enough incest in the last chapter? Is incest the norm among the God-fearing?
13 And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father's house, that I said unto her, This is thy kindness which thou shalt shew unto me; at every place whither we shall come, say of me, He is my brother.
14 And Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and womenservants, and gave them unto Abraham, and restored him Sarah his wife.
Abraham scores again. This really is a great scam the LORD and he have going.
15 And Abimelech said, Behold, my land is before thee: dwell where it pleaseth thee.
Really? For what possible reason could Abimelech think this guy deserves hospitality. His excuse was so week.
16 And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved.
17 So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children.
Ohhh, is this another case of Sarah having a communicable disease? She is/was barren, she infected Pharaoh and now she has infected Abimelech and his family. Luckily God has cured them though.
18 For the LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife.
Yup, sure sounds like a communicable disease, how many of Abimelech's house did Sarah sleep with?
What have we learned from this?
- Either God and Abraham have a fantastic scam going or Sarah is a diseased, adulterous slut and this whole story is an elaborate cover-up, or, perhaps both?